‘Tween 12&20: My ‘dream crush’ turned out to be unavailable

 Dr. Wallace: I’m a female student in my third year of college, and I’ve had a huge crush on a guy I saw in one of my classes my very first week at college, 2 1/2 years ago.
I’ve been on a few dates here and there over the past two years, but never have been involved in any serious long-term relationship. Thoughts of him have never escaped my mind, but although I often walked right by him and thought of him longingly, we have never actually spoken to each other.
I made the mistake of finally telling one of my best girlfriends about my infatuation with this guy, and she, in a very bold move in my opinion, actually went up to him on campus one day and introduced herself to him. Apparently she used a line that he looked familiar to her and she wanted to know if he knew her brother. Of course, he did not, but during the conversation she learned that he’s graduating in June, getting married in July and heading on his honeymoon to Europe next summer. I was floored to hear all of this.
Now I barely look at him anymore if he walks by me and I feel really crushed in my psyche. How can I bounce back from all of these developments in my life? I feel lost and it also feels sad to me, similarly to when I lost my favorite aunt a few years ago to breast cancer. I feel like I’m in mourning.
— My Crush Is Now Permanently Unavailable, via email
My Crush Is Now Permanently Unavailable: I feel sad for you but must tell you directly that, in my opinion, you have been living in a fantasy land the past few years. It may even be that your dates were simply fillers to pass the time until your dream crush was going to miraculously walk up to you and ask you out one day.
Hopefully you can learn a lesson from this painful experience. In the future, if you have interest in meeting someone, be bold enough to strike up a short, safe conversation to break the ice. You might find that you are not interested further at all if the person does not respond well or in a compatible way. But if the person does, you will then be able to build upon that first conversation with a second one another day, then a third and so forth. And at some point, the two of you will become at least casual friends. From there, anything can happen.
But simply staying silent and dreaming without interacting at all can be detrimental in the long run to some people. Your current feelings of “being crushed” bear this out. You of course do not know how long this guy was involved with his fiancee, but it may have been possible for you to have met him while he was still single. And if you met him years ago and found out he was in a very serious relationship, you likely would not have burned up so much mental energy dreaming of him.
Even if you’re presently a very shy person, it’s better to work hard to become a bit more sociable, even if growing pains are experienced along the way.
I’ve already made a decision my mom really dislikes
Dr. Wallace: I’m headed to college next fall, and I already know what university I’ll attend and what sorority I want to join. I know these things because my three best girlfriends all are planning to attend the same college and rush the same sorority together.
My mother is very unhappy about this. She likes my college choice well enough, but she really wants me to rush the sorority she was a member of when she was a college student. At first, I thought she was kidding me, but I’ve since learned that she is really serious about this. She even told me that the sorority I’m planning to join was the archrival of hers back in her day and that I’d be joining a “garbage organization,” to use her words.
I’ve tried to step back and not engage her further about this, so all I said back to her was, “Well, I’ll think about it some more when the time comes.” That seemed to at least calm her down enough to stop talking about that subject. But I know deep down that mind is made up. How do I deal with my mom next year when she eventually hears news that she won’t like?
— Future Sorority Girl, via email
Future Sorority Girl: Your mother is out of line in my opinion regarding his matter. First of all, things were different back in her day, and there may not even be a “rivalry” these days at all.
Second, to run down an organization by calling them “garbage” without any current knowledge about them is also out of line in my book.
I don’t know how you and your friends have gone about selecting the sorority that you plan to apply to, but assuming that you all do follow through on that choice, I suggest you speak to your mother directly about this topic.
Tell her that you respect the sorority that she joined back then and that you hope she can respect the one that you plan to join in 2024. Inform her of some of the good current qualities about this sorority and inform her about all of the good volunteer work they do in the local community.
Also mention that in your current era, young women feel more of a sisterhood within sororities, rather than disdain. Then smile, give your mother a big hug and leave it at that. You absolutely deserve to make your own decision whether or not your selection is your mom’s first choice, last choice or anywhere in between.
Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at rwallace@thegreatestgift.com. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.
Source: Morningcall